I feel that in recent times, I have nothing to fear. For I have already faced my deepest fears or rather they have already occured or I'm living in them.

I have nothing that excites me. For everything is so mundane that it is obivious in my sight. Nothing suprises me anymore. I have experinced too many events one after another that any other thing seems dull.

I have nothing that I can accomplish in army right now. I have my awards, glory and chance to stand at the very top. I had also lost my chance to perform or shine anymore in army being a clerk now.


I have nothing that makes me feel alive for the time being.
There are times I feel i'm just a lone man taking on everything that is going against me, without anyone I would share my deepest sorrows with. Not that I don't have people around me. But rather I choose not to anymore, the less people know. The better things would be.


I'm only waiting for doctor's approval for me to start training like how I used to. Sprinting, heavy weight training, resistance training and also to start on extreme sports that I'm keen on. MMA, Free running, Parkour, etc.

Maybe that will make me feel alive till I can start living my own life after I ORD. Can't wait for it.


What's life without thrill, the feeling of adreanaline pumping, the increasing heart rate. The feeling of fear, the feeling of excitment. The feeling of accomplisment, of having overcome obstacles set against our way. Without which we can hardly count to be alive.