Being Nice VS being Real

I was thinking through the day about the differences in a nice guy and a guy trying to be nice. Fundamentally to people it is the same thing. Because generally the results is that that guy treats everyone nicely. BUT, it is really different.

Trying your best to be a nice guy without really understanding or changing your internal set of values to be one (in my opinion) causes one to be frequently depressed and suffer from intermittent explosiveness, career confusion or job meaningless, ambiguous anxiety, low awareness of one's own needs, either flat or explosive relationbships, resentment about being the victim of "mean people" and subtle self hate.

All these emotions are caused by bottling everything up in an attempt to be nice. Ultimately when there's an outlet you lash out everything onto it. Be it martial arts classes, an unsuspecting child or even your loved ones. Resulting them in pushing them further and further away from you. Which in turn will make you try to be a nicer to them and the vicious cycle carries on.

This I feel is caused by the unawareness of self identity, trying too hard to please people; exchanging your true self for that tiny little bit of perverted praise from others. How many a times in our own education system we often scold/reprimand those who are more active(disruptive) in classes? How often it is we force our set of character and expectations on others, when it is obivious that everyone is different. So in a way, we enslave or are enslaved by these "whips of the education systems" which conformed us to behave in a certain set way.

Is being nice to others so important or being true to ones own character and values? The human mind or rather human beings are bio-psycho-social-spiritual beings. In some ways thats like the chain of piorities in our lives. If we link it to Maslow's hierarchy of needs you'll find it links totally. So in sense, Humans on a general after the basic needs such as food, water, breathing clothing, shelter and sex(yes you heard me right sex) are met, crave and hunger the most for praise and acceptance.

But in a sad way, we are enslaved by that basic need. So in order to meet that need in our own lives we start to force ourselves to conform to a certain set of behavior that we believe are accepted or even well-liked by others. We try to be nice guys, we try to keep up to the latest trend of fashion, dress up according to the group we would want to be indentified with. All in all sometimes suppressing our true self from showing.

Ultimately I believe that the most important thing is to be true to oneself. Why should we be so concerned about how others think of us? As long as we did what was right to us and we're able to answer up for our actions and also to God. Why should we force ourselves to behave in a certain manner?

Why force ourselves to behave in a certain manner and end up feeling depressed, intermittent explosiveness, career confusion or job meaningless, ambiguous anxiety, low awareness of one's own needs, either flat or explosive relationbships, resentment about being the victim of "mean people" and subtle self hate.

In contrast instead of trying to be a nice guy and that you're real (being nice without having to try to conform to a certain set of behavior). Basically it means that you understand the reason of being nice. That you are nice because you see the larger picture ahead. That you genuinely want to contribute to the well being of others. which in a sense is totally following what Jesus said once before. "... to love your neighbour as yourself" luke 10:27. Because you love yourself your own well-being to be taken care of. Thus if we are able to love your neighbour as ourselves we would contribute to the well-being of others.

So what are you doing today? trying to be nice. Or genuinely being nice. Are we loving our neighbour as ourselves or are we just keeping our judgements and emotions inside?

I believe to cure this "nice guy" disease we got to start changing firstly, ourselves. Secondly, the way we bring up our future generation. Thirdly, the education system. Lastly to be true to ourselves no matter what occasion.

We have to be nice, but that doesn't mean we must force ourselves to be nice. We can understand the hurts of others and point it out to them so that they can see it in their own light. Because when we are hurt we usually tend to not want to acknowledge the fact that we are hurt.

So what's your choice? To carry on suffering for this "nice guy" disease or to change the situation of slavery to please people one by one. Starting from the man in the mirror.