I guess I had quite an awesome day. For starters finally managed to get myself focused onto really starting to study for private A's next year. Started with Math, covered 3 chapters well, more like a refresher course in algebra. Did 5 questions of each topic in my Engineering Math notes from Poly days. Finished reading some of the left over newsweek magazine. Managed to walk without a limp. Did some light static training at home. Took a power nap for bout 1 hour. Had dinner and headed out with some of my poly friends.

Hey, life wasn't a bed of roses for me for the past month, and it's not going to be. But hey, being happy is a choice ain't it. Being happy doesn’t mean that everything is perfect. It means that you’ve decided to look beyond the imperfections.

Like how I usually categorise movies into cinema quality or download/online streaming quality or not worth watching. Somehow, I categorise Kick Ass somewhere in the middle of not worth watching to download/online streaming quality. Something told me to just watch it. Well, it could be I was too bored, or that God wanted to show me something unique or just to encourage me. I watched it and somehow it impacted me a little or rather lifted my spirits up.

Quote from Kick Ass. "No power equals no responsibility. I don't think so."

Well for me at least. Family is to me like responsibility is to me. Like what most people will say when they are angry about their family. "I didn't choose to be born in this family!" But for me it's a different meaning. Many people would tell me that God placed you into this family for a reason, it's to mould you to make you a stronger man. Well, that aside I mean as normal human beings we sometimes get irritated that people always use God to force or "convince" you that you should be doing this and that. Yada yada. Yak yak.

To me, I don't like it, I don't enjoy it. But for some reason or another I love them all the same. No matter how much pain they have caused me. It doesn't even matter I wake up everyday to quarrels. It doesn't even matter that it seems that I'm the only sane person that doesn't pick a fight with anyone in years. It doesn't even matter if I'm the one clearing the shit of everyone given my state right now. It doesn't even matter if I feel like giving up at times. What matters is that because I love my family no matter what happens. I'll take responsibility for them.

At times I feel like I've no more power left in myself to do things for my family. Like how can I solve issues that are out of my control. I can't make money grow on the trees. Neither can I make a medicine that can cure my sister nor can I abandon her. I can't make my siblings less quarrelsome. I can't change my dad. I can't change my mum. But I can choose to treat them right no matter what. It's not about what they did or is going to do. BUT what I choose to do despite all that.

I at times also feel powerless about situations. I can't change people. I can't control their actions and reactions. I miss people in my life, I mean who likes people leaving their life? Who enjoys isolating himself from people he genuinely cares for? Who rather feels like he's gonna be the only one feeling the sadness of the loss of friendships. I look around and see issues around me in lives of people either very close to me or peoplpe that I've met, I want to help them but, I feel tired and powerless. There's so much I want to change in my life, in the lives of others and nothing I can do about it.

Many a times I think, "What can ONE man do?" I mean hey, I'm just a 21 year old guy confined by circumstance that are beyond my control. I'm not powerful. I don't have a lot of power to change how things are. But that doesn't mean I have no responsibility. It doesn't even matter if people around me acknowledge the fact that I've done all that I can in my power to change things, to make things better or to even salvage situations. It doesn't matter. It doesn't even matter what deeds I have done to people, even to strangers.

It's not about the power or even our own individual deeds. It's just that we take ownership of what we can touch and influence. That we do the right thing no matter how awkard or even weird it maybe. Our own little weird ways of expressing our good intentions, that's more than enough to change the world and impact or inspire someone. Every one has something in them that can make a difference in the world and in someone else's life.

I may be tired. I may feel like I no longer have the strength or power to change things. But, I'll always take responsibility for the things I can touch, change and influence. I'll carry on being kind, even though my friends around me tells me not to be so kind to everyone. That at times I'm being too nice to people for my own good. I'll carry on treating people nicely. I'll rather face life as a honest fool than to not take responsibility for anything at all.

So to my imaginary readers, IF I can think all these and act it out. I challenge you people today. Take responsibility for yourself, your family, people you meet every single day. Be kind, be understanding, be genuine and most of all be responsible.

Like what Kick Ass said, "No power equals no responsibility. I don't think so."
I really don't think so.

Phi 4:13
But I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.